Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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