I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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