Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
