weddingsv make me drug and hornr
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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