i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
