Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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