All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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