it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
