Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
