He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
