Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
