hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
