I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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