and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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