My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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