just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
