I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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