it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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