I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This is my gift to your gina
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
