I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Randomize
