i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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