This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
