i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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