she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
