$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
