I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
