i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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