he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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