Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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