You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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