I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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