how can u be prego again
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
