He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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