I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
