I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
