She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
