I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can text with my tongue
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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