I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
