Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
