you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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