I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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