but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
