Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
