I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
