So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize