you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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