I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
