dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
