Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry about my life...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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