I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do vagina's smell?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
