i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
