please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
