We're facebook friends in real life
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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