i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
