I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
now i know why i became what i already was.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
