You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
