last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
