Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
