nut hugger
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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