weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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