Define "chronic" masturbator.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
