put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
