You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
