She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
True college students do jello shots in the library
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
