I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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