i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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