Jerry, you need to find god
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
