If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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