U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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