Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
