everyone is single if you try hard enough
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
