Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
