my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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