My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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