Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
