Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
