I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
pray to the hookup gods
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
