Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
