His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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