Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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