I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
