Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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