It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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